Who Sets the Pace?

Wellofexcellence | April 22, 2018 | 4946 | Family Life , Feminine Forum


Alone, I was awake at night reflecting through my day then I realised most parts of it was dominated by conversations about marriage. The discussions about why you are still single when you are of age. Besides your friends are all getting married, even those younger than you are doing it, when will it be your turn? You are already old enough and a graduate so just do it- that’s what kept echoing  on my mind. The words are usually “Get married and be happy”.

Friends won’t let you rest and relations make it even worse. as a response to that stimulus you begin to go out, meet people, hang out or attend all sorts of social gatherings where you could meet a lot of interesting people “possible life partners”. Immediately, it dawned on me that it wasn’t just me and it has not started today. Marriage has always been a trend, you’re either in it or trying to get in it and sometimes you are being dragged into it literally because people won’t just leave you be. Once a young man has a job he is expected to marry, once a lady reach adulthood she is but ready to start a home. A job doesn’t make a good husband nor does age makes a woman a good wife.

So each time I wonder, is there a general pace? Like who sets the right age or time? Is it society, Family or friends?

Well, I think an individual should set his or her own pace, society will say marriage brings security, family will say it brings prestige and friends? Well if your friends are mine, aside obvious reasons (owambe rice and ashebi) they’ll tell you it’s an achievement. But all these are for others to see and appreciate and make comments which may or may not matter when things get tough, rough or better. while others get married in a very young age and lived happily, some wish they could get out because of problems that could have been avoided but sidetracked by all the pressure around they didn’t even care to find out.

But marriage is a sacred commitment between two people who have decided to take each others hands against all odds. So, why rush it? Why let people rush you into it?!

Take time to build your abilities, mature enough to handle being responsible before you can be a responsible partner. Why make a decision about forever because of pressure?

After all true prestige comes from being able to turn a house into a home, not just having a ring. Therefore, true security is in having a trustworthy relationship that can last forever not just being off your parents paycheck, and genuine achievement is not in how early you get married or how many children you have at a certain age.

it’s in being the best model for the younger generation, the capacity to love still after 30years eating from the same plate and saying to yourselves I’d still choose you if I could do it again.

So when it comes to marriage no one should get a say but you, society, family and friends are only but a crowd. They may criticize, condemn, gossip and stir arguments and sometimes make disturbing comments and very seldom applaud because they are only but a crowd, so instead of putting up a tragic drama why not develop good virtues of patience, humility, kindness, tolerance and loyalty so that you can actually be worthy of it, then get married because you’re ready, because you’ve found the one who makes you feel better about yourself. I might sound crazy, but forever is a journey worth the wait than a life of wishing for a miracle which may or may not happen forever!


Deborah Mairana loves writing, constructive thinking and learning new things. she loves music, movies and making new friends as well.

connect with Mairana on FACEBOOK @DEBORAH MAIRANA


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